The Gnome....

There is this little man that us Army Wives call the Deployment Gnome. He is a little creature that comes and makes things break right when we are at our lowest point, here is his description from 'his' facebook page...
First and foremost, if you are not a military wife and you haven’t been through a TDY or a deployment, you will NOT understand this group.
Deployments gnomes are the little creatures that come and visit us when our husbands are away training or fighting in a war. They systematically break things, make children sick, charge fraudulent charges on credit cards, put nails in tires, make in-laws crankier than usual, cause the children to not do their homework and force them to not listen to mom. They come when mom is at her lowest point in the deployment, usually during a particularly furious strain of the flu, cold, depression, anxiety attack, etc. The gnome knows the exact time to strike that will cause the most seasoned military wife to buckle.
To be blunt, the Deployment Gnome is a BASTARD.
He knows when your bank account is at its lowest during the month that is when the transmission will go out on the car that just went out of warranty. It will bribe the children to act like little hellions the very day your mother-in-law comes to visit for a long weekend. It will know that you have been too busy to check that bank statement, and sure enough, that will be the month some guy from Somalia has used your credit card number to purchase 1,000 Apple Computers fraudulently, and that will be when you find out your husband has forgotten to update your POA with the bank. It will have strategically placed a HUGE pothole on the highway, just out of cell phone range of any friends, so that your tire goes flat with no help to be had! The Deployment Gnome will make you question your very sanity when it comes to visit.
But we will no longer be quiet about this little headache anymore! We can stand together and banish the Gnome from our lives! Let us not let it get the best of us! WE ARE MILITARY WIVES!

Well, this little nuisance is visiting Savannah, and us army wives are sick of him! My friend, Samantha, who is a super talented writer, wrote a note about this said gnome. (Her blog address is www.carrollhouse.net you can find it under 'the blogs I follow')Her and I have a conspiracy theory about the government and the gnome! HA! Yes, this is what Army Wives laugh and giggle about to pass the time....3 more months!
Here is our conspiracy theory...

The "Gnome Farm"

Picture it...a large, cold, sterile, steel room. Fluorescent lighting abound. Machines softly buzzing as background noise. Suspended in glass, liquid chambers, ala Invasion of the Body Snatchers, they grow...tiny little men, with large noses and long white hair that sways gently inside the enclosures of fluid. This sounds like a science fiction movie, but it's actually a peek inside an imaginary government building, possibly near Area 51.

My friend and I have developed a theory.....the Deployment Gnome we all joke about, the one who has a Facebook page, for crying out loud, is a planned, farmed government project, hidden away like the monsters in Monsters vs. Aliens. As my girlfriend mentioned, deployed military families do, in fact, receive higher pay during the service member's absence, hence, when this little devil shows up, sabotaging everything from car parts to household appliances, to letting loose bugs in a garage or rashes in a baby's diaper. These little buggers run rampant when there's no man around to handle things. Insert the government's "gnome farm," paying soldiers' families more, and getting in cahoots with every auto shop, handyman, appliance service company, hell, even Pampers is probably in on this fantastic scam! When the men leave, the extra money begins to roll in, and all who are involved in the "Grand Gnome Scam" stand to gain financially from the harried, frustrated wives who happen to have temporarily fatter bank accounts.

Some notable stories of the gnome, who is now believed to be one of hundreds, grown in government pods to wreak havoc upon military wives around the globe: Just this week, this pint sized menace sucked the life from the battery of my husband's brand new car and shoved something in the ignition of my only 2 year old car, causing me to have to tow both cars in one day, and ultimately costing me $700! He then poked my house broken dog's bladder just so that she peed all over a bunch of pillows, which, in a chain reaction, caused my washing machine to overflow.

My neighbor, whose husband is not military, but is a police officer, even got a visit. "What the hell?" the gnome must have thought. "He's civil service, and I'm in the neighborhood." So, the little stinker germed up my neighbor's son's injured toe, turning it green and causing him to have an infection, meriting a doctor's visit. Before leaving the fair city of Pooler, he swung by another girlfriend's house and popped a double ear infection into a 4 year old buddy of mine, then doubled back to our house, to quickly insert a hellacious case of diaper rash into Lizzie's Pampers. My other 2 Pooler girlfriends who are currently out of town...you'd better thank God, is all I have to say!

The little bearded twit must have jumped into my car and hopped out when I arrived in Savannah at my co-theorizing friend's home, where he dropped off the bugs in her garage and then put butter on a glass jar of salsa, so it would surely break all over her white tiled kitchen floor.

His cronies have been hard at work up at Fort Campbell too. So far those little red hat wearing thugs have taken out a washer, a dryer, a car battery and a dishwasher, all at one house! They moved down the road to terrorize the already aching gums of my little, almost 4 month old ,teething, buddy, disturbing her sleep, making her cry almost non-stop, and henceforth driving her poor mother crazy with frustration!

In closing, I should have some sort of plan as to what we should do about this "gnome growing farm" that we are probably providing tax money to fund. It just hit me, today, to make up a story about the origins of this gnome in question, so it looks like my solution will have to come another day. In the meantime, ladies, get out your brooms, your shotguns, etc. This little turd and his 'army' are sneaking about in every unexpected nook and cranny. We should put up a 'scoreboard' and if we take any of them down , we can at least brag about it on Facebook!


I hope you all got a laugh out of the misfortunes that just keep bombarding us wives here in Savannah. Like I said earlier, 3 more months and we can at least have our husbands home and can tolerate a bad day a little better.

Blogger still won't let me upload pictures, bummer! sorry! Thanks for checking in